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Before you leave your child or children in the care of others, spend some time explaining it to them and telling what you expect from them. Also be very clear with the caregiver what you expect in regard to child discipline, acceptable forms of punishment, and what you allow and don't allow. (However, realize that grandparents are in a somewhat different category. They're expected to be "softies" to some extent and may not discipline as firmly as do you or your caregiver. They've earned it).
If you as parents must leave your child/children with a caregiver for large blocks of time, do not relax your rules out of guilt. It's easy to indulge your children because you feel bad about not spending enough time with them. Indulging is also unfair to the caregiver who must pick up the pieces the next day.
Try to maintain as much consistency as possible with the children. It's very confusing to children if you, as well as caregivers, discipline differently at different times for the same offense. Act immediately when a young child misbehaves. At the younger ages they have a short memory span and won't associate the discipline with the bad behavior if there's too big a gap between the two.
If a child is ill or recovering from illness, don't expect the same moods and behavior as when he or she is well. Don't allow downright nasty behavior or words, but make sure you're giving a sick child plenty of TLC.
As children grow older, their skills at subterfuge and blame-shifting grow, but pre-schoolers are usually transparent enough for you to decipher who was the guilty party. If a child repeatedly gets disciplined for things she didn't do, she'll have a right to feel persecuted and may start to lie.
When a child cries and is very repentant for breaking something or breaking a rule by accident, he may be punished enough simply by how badly he feels. If you discipline harshly when a child is already upset and sorry for the offense, it may give a wrong message. Also don't discipline a child twice for the same offence. Unless the offense is grievous, there's no reason for both you and the partner/caregiver to punish him.
If you've just brought on a babysitter or nanny, or there's been some other major familial disruption, don't be surprised if children's behavior goes downhill for a while. They're trying to gain equilibrium from the sudden change.
Debra Fortosis owns a babysitter and nanny placement agency called Elite Family Care. It is headquartered in the Sarasota/Bradenton region of southwest Florida. Debra places only the best babysitters and nannies.
You may find her website at http://www.elitefamilycare.com/
Please feel free to contact her; go to debra@elitefamilycare.com
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