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Biting is age appropriate behavior for toddlers
Biting toddlers are not only an added stress to their parent's life, but also acting in a very age appropriate way. Unfortunately it isn't easy for caregivers and parents alike to stop biting behavior. Many frustrated parents have found themselves looking for a new childcare provider because they have a "biter" who is no longer welcome.
The First Step
The first step to nip the biting is to discover the why behind the behavior. Your child is biting to gain something. What need are they trying to fill?
LEARNING: Biting offers a way for children to learn about objects. Think back to a few short months ago when everything went into the mouth. Your child learned about the taste and texture of everything around her by placing it into her mouth. Biting is sometimes an extension of that learning.
TEETHING:Teething causes inflammation all over the gum line and sometimes it just feels good to chomp on some skin. Your child may be trying to alleviate pain.
FRUSTRATION: With only about 200 words in her vocabulary, your child has a difficult time expressing herself. Biting is a way to communicate frustration, boredom or a lack of attention. They may also use biting as a way to gain the toy they wanted or to get another child to leave them alone.
SELF DEFENSE: Bullying happens even at the toddler age. As children find their way among social peers, toddlers may resort to biting to "save face" or keep the toy they were playing with.
If your child is only biting at child care, work with your provider to discover what needs your child is trying to meet. A biting child should be followed closely and a provider with experience should be able to see when a child is about to bite. Not only will this prevent another occurrence, but it should give both of you more of an understanding about why it is happening.
If you are having trouble understanding what is prompting the behavior, the clock might help you out. Is your child attempting to bite just before meal-time, when they are tired, or when in a group with one particular person?
Once You Know the Why
After you have an idea about why your child is biting you can do some things to prevent and change the behavior.
If your child is biting because it feels good or because they are teething, offer her a cold teething ring or wash cloth instead. The goal here is to give your child a way to meet their need without having to harm someone. Once they understand the acceptable way to relieve their pain, it is best if they can find what they need on their own. Keep the teething ring in a reachable place so they can use much wanted independence.
If your child is biting because of frustration or in self defense they need a better way to communicate. If your child can say things like "stop" and "no," teach and remind them to use their words not their teeth.
It takes a lot of energy to head off a biting child. They must be supervised closely in order prevent the biting behavior and replace it with the prefered behavior of using words or a teething ring. The close supervision is well worth the effort.
If a prevention opportunity is missed, give the majority of attention to the child who was bit rather than the aggressor. Show the child that the bite hurt the child and made them cry. Remind them to use their words or their teething ring and then dote on the bitten child. It is important that the biting child does not get too much attention when they bite, or the attention might become an incentive for repeat behavior.
Keep Your Wits
When your child is labeled as a "biter" it can be a stressful time. Even if this is your first child, or your first biting child, you are the child's parent. Biting is a very common and age appropriate behavior. Do not allow others to belittle your parenting skills in any way. You know your child best, and although you may need some help in changing your child's behavior, there is no better parent than you.
Brenda Trott, M.Ed is a parent coach and a freelance writer. Her work with young children and their families spans over 20 years. She provides parents and teachers with tools to feel organized and in control. Get more free parenting tips at http://www.myparentingcoach.com/ or send your parenting questions to her directly at myparentingcoach@gmail.com
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